Hello JanieDoe: I see this is still just your third post here on PC. So I guess there's still time for me to say welcome to Psych Central.

I was struck by your statement: "No one in my life truly knows what is going on with me" because I say that about myself all the time. There's a song by The Weepies that has, for me, become something of a theme song: "Nobody Knows Me at All".

You mentioned you've seen a couple of therapists. I've seen a few therapists for brief periods. But I never kept going long enough for it to have been of any consequence. Finding the right therapist, for you, can sometimes be a challenge. But I think perhaps if you can find one you feel comfortable with, it may make a big difference in your life.

Here are links to 8 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that (hopefully) may be of some interest: 1 on dissociative identity disorders, 2 on depersonalization / derealization, & 5 on how to find a good therapist:

In-Depth: Understanding Dissociative Disorders

10 Simple Ways to Relieve Depersonalization

The Matrix Has You: On Dissociation and Feelings of Detachment

How Do You Find a Good Therapist? An Interview with Dr. John Grohol

How to Find a Good Therapist

https://psychcentral.com/blog/10-way...ood-therapist/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/6-ques...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/blog/6-ways...lk-in-therapy/

I hope you're finding PC to be of benefit.