Thanks so much for the update, SE. Hope things go well, and I understand your feelings about how that might not be the case.

If it doesn't work out well -- and I know this won't help the pain that much -- the future for you may be OK anyway. And his future, too, in a way, but maybe a different way. It sounds like he still has stuff to deal with himself? (As, maybe, do we all.)

I think there's a lot about therapy reactivating old unhealed, unresolved development issues -- and one of those can be "Leaving Home", as is the title of a book I like. And when you leave -- who knows what is out there? But maybe we can't stay "at home" forever?

My 2 cents anyway.