My Support Forums - View Single Post - Know the difference between rigid and loose boundaries

Lilly2 · Nov 10, 2019 at 07:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

I think it was my reaction to trauma. I’d just blurt it out, rather robotic. When I started reading comments and articles about over sharing and TMI, I was embarrassed.

. It’s still really hard for me to not do.

I’m really good at saying ‘no’, if I really don’t want to let someone take advantage of me.

For me, I overshare with some people (or online, since I see it as a place to let my thoughts flow, seeing that therapy settings is more judgmental than online settings, and I find more support online in that way). I posted about flatulence recently, but I turned it into a funny post. Still, it is a bit TMI. *blushing*

I think trauma is one of the causes of oversharing. Other causes may also factor in.

Oversharing could be from low self-esteem, approval-seeking, cultural factors that are customary in other countries or subcultures within the US, explaining things so that the other person doesn't harm you because they misinterpret you, living and being alone for a long time (which causes you to speak what you're thinking since you have gotten used to isolation), being infantilized for so many years and asked to reveal everything, being in therapy for over 10 years (which causes an iatrogenic habit of sharing too much, even if boundaries and other factors are learned within therapy), etc.

There are many reasons to oversharing.

Oversharing shouldn't be pathologized, however.

Some people enjoy "being real," and feel as though victim-blaming is wrong, thus it's not the oversharing that is the problem, it's those who try to take advantage of those who overshare that's the real problem (they are the offenders, judgers, etc.). --There's some truth in that, too.

But, to create peace in society, some level of conformity is required. Thus, oversharing can become problematic when the customs of the present society are more individualistic and closed-off. It's the culture here, so oversharing is taboo.

I think there's a time and place for everything. Sometimes oversharing helps someone else to open up, and for two people to bond. Other times, oversharing is embarrassing, intimidating, or offensive. It all depends, which is why boundaries often change with different people and/or different situations and/or different settings.