My Support Forums - View Single Post - just to get thoughts out, feel free to get thoughts out too

Lonelyinmyheart · Nov 11, 2019 at 07:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TeaVicar?

Your feelings are real. From my experience, using terminology like "transference" etc, doesn't help the process because it contradicts the authenticity of those feelings. Accepting your feelings are real, feeling feelings, however exciting, however grim and being able to talk about them with your therapist, helps hugely. If you can talk openly, I think it makes a big difference in how quickly you can get through the painful feelings. It works both ways though, the therapist also has to be open to discussing it and has some responsibility for helping the client open up. So many variables can result in becoming a bit stuck.

A therapist you love, getting married is a horrible situation.

Thank you so much for being so validating, it means a lot. My T doesn't use the word at all, only me. She's really open to however I'm feeling and has made clear there's nowhere we can't go but I struggle to open up with her although I'm starting to be able to do this. I haven't been able to say the extent of how I feel about her but I hope I can in time. I certainly haven't been able to say I find her attractive! I think you're right that talking about all this is the way through it. I hate having to raise issues that relate to her family because it feels extra painful and pointless in the sense nothing is going to change - but I guess that's where the grief and working through it comes in