Hi @mote.of.soul,

thank you for answer! I understand what you are saying, I think. I was searching for this kind of spirituality that would suit me, still haven't find it. But I am hoping not to give up. My problem is, I am very impatient, that gets me in a lot of trouble, and I can't find my peace of mind because that mind is always wandering somewhere. Maybe I have ADD or something, never checked it. I tried meditation but (and I am REALLY sorry to say that(, I found it boring. I am still not spiritual enough for church, and art... I loved art up until I became too critical of my own work to enjoy the process of creating. It spoiled everything. Sport is still great, but sometimes can feel like a chore, because it requires so much discipline. Still, I would not like to give up that, hope not.
People and friends...
Maybe I am so desperate for approval of others, I am not even myself, and I am so tense that I look strange to others. I think about every word I say, I am very self-aware, I try so hard not to say something stupid, boring or hurtful, that every little conversation exhausts me. Maybe that is the problem. I am also introvert, and communication is hard for me, always been. I would love to have friends with whom I would be comfortable, but I still haven't found any. I feel like a failure. Everyone can have friends, why can't I.
I have gone a little off topic now, sorry, I understand what you wrote, and I think maybe I know the feeling, at least partially. I see value of things, but sometimes, I see time passing by and it frightens me. I think we should learn technique of mindfulness, but I need to find out how as I have no idea what that is. I just know it's a technique that teaches you to live in moment.