Thanks NWTR. Vroooom - that one went right over my head.

Still not really sure what you mean though. I was always taught to help people in need because it's the right thing to do, not just to score points with people, make yourself feel good, or connect with God. You do it from the heart, simply because you care.

I have a friend who is suffering from throat cancer and having trouble getting food down. He likes my husband's homemade soup and is able to get it down, so we keep him stocked up on soup. The only "personal gratification" I get out of it is seeing my friend get some nutrition and have a smile on his face.

I've also been on the receiving end of volunteering. I met with a woman I knew from an online amyloidosis support group after her uncle passed away from the disease. We talked about starting live support group meetings throughout the country. I thought it would be a good idea for patients and their families/caregivers to have the chance to meet face to face and discuss the issues in their lives.

I attended one meeting, but it was physically exhausting. There was plenty of food, but those of us with amyloidosis don't have an appetite and digesting food is very painful. The conversation surrounded around money and advancements made in amyloidosis research, and there was a strict agenda. It may have been fun for those in charge, but the money and advancements didn't really mean anything to us - kinda hard to cheer knowing it had nothing to do with you. It took me several days to recover from that meeting. I felt sorry for those patients who traveled across many states to attend the meeting.

I know the woman meant well, but she started to turn it into a business. The meeting announcements were a little hard to swallow - i.e. "If you want to hug an Amyloidian and enjoy some good food, come to the next meeting!" Excuse me, what the heck is an "amyloidian" - some kind of freak or stuffed animal? Many of us who are suffering from this disease were insulted by that comment.

She was good at collecting donations, and quite a bit of it went to research. However, a large portion also went to providing leadership retreats at luxury hotels and spas for people who facilitated the meetings nationwide. She spoke often of how much fun she was having traveling across the country and sight-seeing with her husband. It made some of us feel like she was using us for her own entertainment (vacations).

She gave herself a title (president) for this volunteer work and used it on her resume in order to compete as "Businesswoman of the Year." The newspaper touted her "selfless" efforts to help people suffering from amyloidosis. Again, we felt used.

She also attached us directly to her business - advertising her company as one who donates to "charity" by helping to bring awareness of amyloidosis. Once again, we felt as though we were being used to promote her family business.

As a result, I believe volunteering should always be selfless without any expectation of personal gratification or gain. Over time, it takes away from those you are helping and begins to make it all about you. I don't think people should be used as stepping stones.

Am I way off base again?