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Account Suspended
Member Since Oct 2019
Location: You'll never know
Posts: 940
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Nov 11, 2019 at 10:53 PM
(((safe hugs))) @Anxietysuxs  I'm so sorry for all of your losses. That must be hard.
I can understand the relief, and even sometimes survivor's guilt. My best friend (age around 14 or 15) was murdered by some man, and then two years later, my father passed away from a heart attack during my finals in college. It took me years to get over those two deaths. I loved my father, but he was abusive. In the end, however, he wasn't abusive, but he was sick and surviving on an oxygen machine. We talked nearly every day, but I cannot remember what we talked about. I've lost a lot of memory, but I thought that was normal until years later, when I found out through therapy it wasn't. Anyway, I don't have any recovered memories at all, but what I do have are glimpes of memories I've had all my life. One of those memories included my feelings of relief when my father passed, because it was hard seeing him suffer every day in pain, and then my feelings of guilt ensued from having those feelings of relief. I never truly wished my father ill will, even if he abused us kids, because I knew of the good parts of him, too. Death is very hard. Loss is even harder. I'm so sorry. (((safe hugs)))
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