I am a 20 year old mother. I have a 2 year old and am pregnant with my second. I have had depression since I was 8 after taking care of my grandpa for months before he died from cancer. I started self harming at 9. I attempted suicide twice by the time I was 13. I love my husband so much, and when I met him, most of my problems seemed to go away.

But, 3 months after having our first son, my mother committed suicide and she left a note blaming me for her death. My family kicked me and my newborn out, and shunned me for months. I lost all of my friends, I dropped out of college. I was forced to marry 3 days after being kicked out because my husbands family is very religious and wouldn't agree to us living together without being married.

It has been over a year since this all happened. Yet I still barely talk to family, my husbands family just puts up with me, as they know I am not super religious. I'm a stay at home mom. I have not spoken or even texted someone outside of in laws or family in over 2 years.

Now my husbands parents are starting to separate themselves from us as well, because they do not like my husbands choice of who to have a family with.. he is suffering without his parents. I often go weeks or months without directly speaking to anyone other than my husband and toddler.

If I died and he didn't say anything, no one would know. Now that his parents are starting to shun us, I believe he and everyone would be better off if I was gone. I think that after i have this baby, i might go out. But without the dramatic notes and guilt trips. I don't want anyone to feel guilty. If I die before him, I just hope my husband can find a better wife that his family can accept and move forward in life.