The best I can offer to you is to contemplate that your beliefs are wrong. You listed a number of false beliefs that are compounding your state. You cannot break out of this unless you're willing to believe that your brain is feeding you false information. Once you can accept that you can begin to create a pattern of new beliefs that serve you better. Part of you already knows this is true. That's why you bother with seeking advice. I'm hopeful for you and wish you well.