Hi SorryShaped,

I, too, am sorry you are in this state of mind.

It seems to me that I have read of times when you were feeling quite differently. Is my perception of this correct?

These ideas may or may not be a chronic underlying component of your challenges or it may be that this is a transitory state of mind?

Neither therapists, pdocs or meds can shift us out of mindsets we have chosen to buy into. We must disown these ideas for things to change.

Let's say your depression is very intense right now and that this type of thinking is a part of your depression. A therapist could help you to think about your cognitive distortions, possibly raising your awareness of such. A pdoc might give you medication which may/may not help to lift the depression. Even so, in order to get beyond these distortions, you'd have to reject the idea that these beliefs are truth in order to shake it off and to consider other possibilities. Sometimes, when we can do so, we have to "take the bull by the horns" and fight any depression, any unhelathy, non-supportive, destructive thinking, etc. In order to be as well as possible, we often must take an active role in shifting our beliefs and/or our state of mind. It is not likely we will shift into considering other possibilities if we play a passive role in our recovery, looking for therapists, pdocs, meds to totally solve, to "fix" our thinking, our erroneous beliefs.

I do not see that you can move forward without questioning your beliefs concerning what you do and do not deserve.
Of course, the decision to consider other possibilities is, ultimately, up to you.

I do not mean for this to sound harsh. Not at all.

Please take whatever you find helpful, if anything, and leave the rest.

You are a smart guy. You can be very insightfuI. I fully believe you have the capacity to reach deep inside of yourself, even if depressed, to consider other possibilities for yourself. I am sure you would urge someone else in this kind of pain to do the same.

I think fern has offered very helpful insights in her post above. I am simply seconding what she has said in her post to you.

I believe in you. I am voting that you, alone, have the power to turn this around if you fully desire to do so.
Others, therapists, pdocs, meds and even those of us here, can only support you in your journey. It's your bus and you are the driver.

As always, I wish you well.