hey i hear you and im sending you hugs. i understand that birthdays can be hard. i personally never had a birthday surprise, except sometimes i get a cake or donuts and blow the candle from my friends. the last time was around early college.

this year i started to buy my own cake its really fun when you think about it because you get to pick what kind of cake you’ll be getting for yourself. i dont really celebrate it either, i treat it more like “oh i got older today” and leave it as it is. now it is probably just an excuse for me to buy a whole cake for myself (i share it to my friends and family though lol), so i dont feel really bad about spending extra money for the cake hahaha

maybe just spend time with your closest ones just to eat out, having a quality time together? it can be fun or even have a quality time for yourself, an extra self care day

regarding on how you feel about what do i do now, i feel the same every once in a while.. and it can be hard. just know that you are enough, and hopefully we can treat ourselves kindly i hope you have a great day!