For me self harm was /is driven by feelings of low self esteem, worthlessness and feeling like a burden.

Also I have lots of Chronic pain that I have no control over but .... by self harming I had total control over THAT pain and could for a short time just feel what I did. Hyper focused, Endorphin rush was also a help. But then shame would flood back in and it just became a vicious cycle.

It’s getting closer to 6 years since I truly self harmed. I have held dozens of hands full of ice to stop myself from actually causing true self harm