Razzleberry

I hope this isn't overly blunt, but why did you marry him? I assume it was because you loved him. Maybe if you take yourself back to that time, you will remember what made the two of you compatible and what made you fall in love with him.

As a little girl, I observed my Danish grandmother watching my Danish grandfather speak to me in English. She didn't speak English. I could see so much love in her eyes for my grandfather - even though she had no clue what he was saying. I thought to myself "I want to love someone that much when I grow up."

I was compatible with my ex-husband and our love was strong, but our marriage wasn't compatible. We married each other only because people were accusing us of "living in sin" or trying to make me believe my ex didn't love me. So, I pushed him to show his love for me by marrying me. Needless to say, it didn't work. He acted as though I had tied a short leash around his neck.

Following that marriage, I developed a close friendship with a male friend. He struck it rich and asked me to move to California and marry him. When I told him no, he said I could learn to love him because he would provide me with everything I've ever dreamed of and could do anything I wanted.

People thought I was absolutely crazy for turning him down. Under pressure, I finally obliged - but then realized what I always wanted in a marriage was "passion." I pictured myself surrounded by unbelievable beauty and luxury, but hopelessly sad. I turned him down after hearing the song by Phil Collins "Groovy Kind of Love." I told him I'd rather live alone than live without passion.

I met my husband several months later. As much as I was attracted to him, I held off on the intimacy aspect because I didn't want to confuse sex with love. It scared me a little when I realized how much I loved and desired him, despite our lack of intimacy. When I finally caved in and gave him my heart, I found the passion I had been searching for all my life.

We've been together now for almost 20 years, and the passion remains strong. We fight with passion, and we love with passion. When he enters the room, I still feel like a schoolgirl with a major crush on him - the sight of him makes my heart smile.

I wasn't expecting him to lose his job and health insurance, and I wasn't expecting myself to become permanently and totally disabled. We are in financial straits now and our home is crumbling down around us, but I've never regretted my decision to marry him. I'd live in the gutter with him if I have to.

I guess it all boils down to what you want in a marriage. I hope you'll be able to work this out with your husband in a way that gives you peace of mind.