Saw my sister play volleyball. If she didn't win the finals, she wouldn't be playing it anymore but she won! I had a little psychosis arguing with the Gods and felt like I was controlling the game based on my thoughts. But I think that is normal "psychosis". I wouldn't have had that before my psychedelic trips. In the game now, I'd be like "The other team are catholic and mean so I wonder if they win does that mean that people that don't enjoy themselves get ahead in life?" because my sisters team were laughing and having fun... "Will one team that loses end up as heroin addicts?" and "My mom thinks she can control the game too.. Is that because she also did shrooms when she was my age? Are shrooms the cure for everything?" and "My sisters team knows my mom has breast cancer and my mom is cheering them on.." cuz my mom, dad and I would switch sides of the audience to their side because my mom thinks she has powers and every side we went, my sisters team won on our side.. and I said to God, "If my sister wins, then God doesn't exist and I can finally get you out of my head" but she won and it didn't work so..

And then I think, "People call religious people stupid.. But I was smart and an atheist before psychedelics and now I'm a pantheist and still smart so it has nothing to do with anything.."

I believe complete skeptics are just as flawed as the complete opposite.

There's God that exists which also doesn't exist at the same time, multiple gods and there's the devil which is also god but separate at the same time and multiple devils and good is bad and bad can be good.

Am I insane? I don't think so!

I packed all my stuff when I got home cuz I'm going to see my grandmother on my moms side. She is dying cuz of a heart problem and my uncle on my dads side wants to put everything of hers in his name and take the will. I packed 20g of phenibut in capsules to keep me somewhat happy and prevent feeling moody and depressed in front of my dad.

My dad says that he thinks I'm doing VERY well and calm and focused like not zoning out or anything and he sees me as completely "normal" and not "crazy". He asked about you guys and I told him about Newtus' success and that some are struggling but still taking their meds =]

I love my thoughts sometimes.