</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Mouse_ said:
Its the fear of total annaliation of the self and ego that we fear when T goes away. The degree of anger toward what we think is responsible for our security is just how much we do fear this.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">I pulled this quote over from another thread so as not to hijack that one. I wonder, is it abnormal that I do not feel this way (angry) when my T goes away? When he has to go away, I might feel, "man, I'll miss him, our sessions are so helpful to me, and we were just getting to some really important stuff, darn, I'll have to wait" but I never take it personally that he is leaving, just that he needs a vacation like everyone else, and I don't get angry at all. I mean, he is a normal guy and needs vacations, just like I do. He doesn't get mad when I take a vacation. His vacation is not a deliberate hurtful action against me.

The reason I ask this is because I see quite a few people in our forum getting angry when their T's go away and it makes me feel like, "hey, should I be feeling that way too?" Because I don't. Does this mean I am less attached to my T than people who feel angry? (Because I do feel really, really attached and bonded to him!) And I sure am glad to see T when he returns. It's wonderful, like a mini joyful reunion. (I definitely do not sit around and sulk and "punish" him for taking some time off.) And even though his absence can be hard for me, I'm OK with missing him, just like I might feel when a really close friend goes away. In a way, missing him makes me feel the strength of our bond--because I wouldn't miss him if we weren't connected--and that makes me feel good.

I read somewhere, in an article or book on therapy, that some therapists (perhaps a certain therapeutic approach?) encourage their clients to feel angry and needy when they go away. My T doesn't do that at all, he just proceeds like it is a regular thing that he might be gone at times. So maybe I have just followed his lead on this?

Or could it be I have just suppressed angry feelings? Wouldn't be the first time. But I have looked deep inside and am just plain not angry when he goes away.

According to what mouse wrote, would it mean that if I don't get angry when T goes away, I don't fear that his absence will cause annihilation of my self? I guess I would agree with that. My existence does not depend on him. I existed before I met him and will continue to exist if he should exit my life. Getting kind of philosophical here....

I don't know. Just musing this morning....