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Originally Posted by mariela10
Hi! I am writing to see if anyone out there has experienced what I have when using antidepressants for bipolar disorder I. I have tried several antidepressants over the last few months and every time I try a new medication, after 3-4 days I start experiencing intrusive suicidal thoughts which are very scary but I do not feel compelled to act upon them. After a day or so off the medication the thoughts disappear but I am left with the exhausting depression in which I go from hour to hour, day after day. I actually dread going to sleep at night because I know what the next day will bring even though I approach it with an optimistic attitude. I saw another psychiatrist who said I had treatment resistant depression (even though I am bipolar) and refused to treat me, saying medicinally, there was nothing he could do for me. I am on high doses of night meds - 750 Seroquel, 200 Trazodone, 25 Thorazine and 2.5 valium. My question is this: With all of the meds I'm on, could this be the reason that none of the new meds I try will work? I am currently taking 1/2 of a 1.5 vraylar capsule. My system is super sensitive so I'm just taking a tiny amount and hope to find some relief. The dreaded word ECT was mentioned and I freaked out. Anyone having that experience? I'm determined to keep fighting this but my life sucks right now because I am constantly battling the depression. I would really appreciate your input and thank you for taking the time to read this post. It's good to know that I can go somewhere where people get what I'm going through.
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mariela10 My heart goes out to you. I know exactly what you mean by dreading sleep knowing that the next day will bring more crushing depression. I know what it feels like to fight to get through every minute of every day. I experienced this more the lat several months. I want you to know that the depression WILL end, even though it doesn't feel like it. About 8 weeks ago, my deep, dark depression suddenly lifted. I don't exactly feel "normal", but I feel SOOO much better. I was having suicidal ideation (totally unlike me) and considering ECT or ketamine infusions. I tried Lamictal (didn't work and caused hair loss - however, it works for many people on here and many haven't experienced hair loss like I did) I tried Lexapro - also didn't work and made my depression worse along with thoughts of suicide. I asked my pdoc about Mirapex as someone else on here suggested, but she said no. Finally, because I thought perhaps the problem was a lack of dopamine, not serotonin (since the Lexapro SSRI didn't work) I asked for Wellbutrin. For the first 3 weeks I felt worse (including SI). I almost gave up on the med, but after about 3-4 weeks I began feeling so much better.
I should note that around the same time, I started taking L-Methylfolate 15mg. The prescription form is called Deplin, but I just buy it from Methyl Pro. I do not know if I have the MTHFR gene or not (i'll get around to testing for it eventually), but I was DESPERATE for relief and would try anything, so I just started supplementing with it. I've read that many people have the gene mutation and don't even know it. Symptoms of the gene mutation are depression, anxiety, AND Bipolar disorder, among other things. Supplementing with L-Methylfolate can make your antidepressant work better, again..only if you have the MTHFR mutation.
You may already be taking supplements, but NAC (2 grams), Vitamin D, Fish Oil, and Magnesium are also very beneficial, although it can take weeks or months to feel the benefit.
Also, L-Tryptophan is beneficial as it converts to 5-HTP which then converts to serotonin and melatonin. L-Theanine boosts levels of GABA, serotonin, and dopamine. I don't take these supplements individually, but I get them combined in a product called Twilight Time by Progressive Labs on Amazon. If nothing else it helps me sleep better, but I believe the amino acids must be somewhat beneficial.
'm sorry for the long response. I just wanted you to know that I completely understand what you're feeling and that anti-depressants have had the same effect on me.. I also wanted to share what is currently working for me. We are all different, but sometimes what works for others will work for us too! I will be praying for you. Always know that you are not alone.