I actually see your experiences as quite common, both in childhood and in therapy - definitely many stories around where people's original hurts/lacking get reactivated in therapy, it elicits strong reactions that might even feel ego-dystonic to the client but it cries for acceptance and integration. But the T, who is able to see and diagnose the problem just cannot handle the discomfort coming from how those parts of someone's self affect them. It may trigger a sense of insecurity in their own ability to treat the issue as well - sounds like yours might have had that and felt incompetent and limited in her acclaimed expertise. If I were in a situation like that (not if I were you, but with my own self), I am sure I would actually appreciate their admitting their limits and suggesting that they don't have what I seek/need, and I definitely don't claim that I am able to even imagine your feelings...but I easily understand that people who had been rejected and disrespected early on in their lives experience that as a huge injury and re-traumatization. Ironically, I saw how that works and what strong reactions it can induce in my own T - I think my criticisms hit some really sore and insecure spots on his ego and he was unable to look at it rationally. For me it is not rocket science to see how that works even just intellectually - this is why I wondered why she refused your request to explore in a more intellectual way. But yeah, it does sound like she was triggered and couldn't tolerate it, then refused to work on herself to improve that issue of her own. In this sense, my experience in the end with my first T might have been similar to yours, the difference is that I didn't care about it the same way as you because I didn't have the same pre-existing injury. I mostly just got mad for the unfairness and his inability to look outside of his box, which he sometimes actually admits on his online media, just didn't to me directly... I think he felt too vulnerable that he got in that situation with a client who saw through it and was not similarly insecure in the same way. But your story shows that if both parties have similar backgrounds, the outcome will not be better. Then what? What would be a good combination? Surely a confident, secure, reasonable T... but that's not easy to find, exactly because what often draws them to this profession is their own injuries and insecurities. I do not believe that all of those can be realistically resolved or worked through, as is often expected of a T. Some people here on PC report having outstanding Ts that can tolerate anything - that might either be good luck or, in part, idealization.

Of course your experience is unique and yours only, I don't believe any two experiences can be identical, there are way too many individual variables in each story. But it is definitely a pattern that happens to many people - why we have all those threads discussing common hurts and harms in therapy. As I said several times, I don't personally relate very much but I find these things very interesting, significant, and important to raise and discuss. I never feel triggered by these shares and discussions (as some assumed about me in the past), more intrigued. I also have an interest that comes from a desire for fairness and to empower people, which I would expect of a T as well, but it is clearly not always the case. Many of then focus too much on the pathology, the traumas, and dismiss adult strengths that can actually be used to overcome the difficulties. For example, you do seem to have quite some cognitive strength that you can use effectively, e.g. via digging into theories and applying them to your experiences. I think many Ts don't have a similar cognitive strength and this may be part of why they feel intimidated and eventually refuse engaging with it. Or maybe they have the caliber but are just lazy to do new research and to expand their horizons. I think this latter area was where my second T failed. Instead, he claimed that I was so unique and different from everyone and everything, it was just hard for him to offer anything tailored enough or things I hadn't already known. I definitely don't think I am so unique and such a big enigma, I've found many suitable and helpful theories myself. But I don't think merely going somewhere to talk is useful for me - what I get out of all the talking that can lead to practical actions and changes is what matters to me.

Everyone should have a voice and a place to relate and express themselves. Therapy is often expected to be such a place but, as some of these experiences demonstrate, it is not as easy and simple as claimed and anticipated. The one thing I always wish for people to recognize earlier is when therapy is just not for them, when it is mostly a wasted money and energy to push it. But based on what you are saying, it sounds like often it is not possible to recognize those things early. So what, do you think, would be the most supportive and constructive role of a T in those situations? It clearly seems like you don't like how your T admitted her limits and ended it. What could she have done better, in your opinion? What would have helped you, considering all factors, including the fact that she had some similar issues to you perhaps?