I’m so sorry you have been made to feel like this and I think you have every right to feel a little resentful.
My T has said to me that he would prefer that I didn’t SH as it isn’t a healthy coping mechanism but he also explained that he would never tell me not to do it as he understands that it is sometimes the only way I can get through a day and he doesn’t want to add any further feelings of shame towards myself if he was to say ‘no you cannot do that.’ He also said that if he told me not do it and I did then he would have added a whole load of guilt in as well and potentially make the situation even more triggering.
Instead we work together on what I can do to try and slowly reduce the amount of SH rather than go cold turkey, and if there are a few slip ups along the way then that’s ok.
To me something as personal as SH should be worked on collaboratively not dictated as that comes across like the other person is on a bit of a power trip.
Thinking of you.