I can't agree with your pastor T's actions Kit. I've had therapy with four main ts and none of them ever said I couldn't do something. To give an order like that is authoritarian and gives the T the power, which is wrong as good therapy is about empowering the client. I can't see how your T saying that could be helpful in any way, it's not showing nay empathy towards you for getting the urges to SH or being productive in dealing with them. I'm really sorry you've been left feeling like this in such a horrid situation.