I can kind of relate to that -- my self harm has been limited ( luckily I haven't done it very much and I have not made any habit or "cycle" of it) but for me it tends to happen during moments of extreme emotional crisis. The times where you are overwhelmed with frustration, or anger, or feelings you can't escape you take it out on yourself (by one means or another). That's how it has been for me. I would venture to say there is no one cause or reason for self harm, but it all stems from inability to cope, whatever gets us past that breaking point. It's internalizing the pain. I hear that's common with those with mental disorders and especially among people who suffered child abuse or any kind (emotional or physical).


I hope you find a safe place to reflect and help understand what drives you and triggers those reactions. It may seem cliché to say this -- but you a deserving of happiness. We all work through things day by day -- struggle by struggle -- but we no less deserve to find happiness.