I talked to my regular T about what Pastor T said about not being allowed to SH. She responded differently. She said first, it's not about him, it's about me. If he can get me to not SH for 3 days then that's great but it's not solving the issue. The issue isn't SH its what's causing the SH. She said someone can tell me to not SH and that will work for however long it's going to work. But she wants me to sit down with me and decide why I don't want to SH. She also wants me to give myself permission to feel anything and everything I feel and not stuff it down. She was pleased I was angry about not being allowed to SH because I really have trouble getting angry. So she's like that's great as long as you don't turn it around on yourself and punish yourself by SHing on Friday when you're allowed to again because you have this misguided belief that you aren't allowed to be angry. She kept reinforcing that I'm a good girl which is funny because Pastor T told me to be good after I talked to him after my appointment today. Regular T said she wants me to be angry with the people that hurt me and stop reenacting that by hurting myself. She said I need angry lessons. She said I can do the 3 days and Friday I'm free to do what I want, but she has hope that I will stop punishing myself and have self love and self compassion. She said to make as many contracts as I like (although I didn't make this one) but to stop stuffing my emotions down, stop punishing myself, and start treating myself like I treat others. She didn't ask me to commit to more days after Thursday, because she knows I'm ambivalent right now and she's accepting that, but she says she wants to get it out of my head that I'm bad. I gotta work on that. And you know what, I'm not angry anymore. He was just caring about me in his own way, and regular T is caring about me in her way and I need to try to start caring about me. Thanks for listening! Hugs Kit