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Originally Posted by Amyjay
A question, Betty -can you recognize your alters in aspects of your own self now? Or is it like they never existed at all?
I do wonder if a couple of our alters have integrated. One we were talking about in therapy the other day... when I realized we hadn't seen that part of us around for quite some time now. And then I was overcome with emotions and memories that previously would have been hers. It was odd. I wondered if she might have integrated, thus I was feeling and remembering "her" stuff.
It was odd. I suppose I didn't think of any part of me as being "her" still. There was just the awareness that the feelings and memories that I was experiencing used to be hers.
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For me personally it's like they never existed at all now.It just seems and feels like that although logically I know it wasn't always that way.
For awhile after integration I did recognize and compare things to how they used to be.Like the first time I counted a high amount of cash and was able to do it I was thinking "wow,I used to not be able to do this,I would get triggered by a large amount of cash and switch into a child that didn't know how to count". Or if I was really mad about something I would think wow,I used to not even feel anger because it would trigger the one that dealt with it,etc etc etc
I rarely even think about it anymore really.But,just recently I was talking with someone about something from childhood,nothing traumatic or anything. I thought to myself wow,I used to not even know that,a different part did. It was just a bit surprising to realize I knew and had that memory.
IDK if a part of you has integrated or not.I think you will eventually figure it out if it has.I had times where my parts blended with me and I would feel their feelings and have their memories and then they would unblend again.That happened mostly towards full integration,and it would happen more and more.So I can't even guess what this is for you.
It sounds like a good thing though.