Wow, perfect timing on this post, since I just saw my T for the last time this morning until he returns from vacation on 4/14.

I'm not angry that he's leaving, at all. He told me "it's okay to feel angry at me", but I just don't. I do feel sad - I see him twice a week and usually have some sort of e-mail or phone contact as well - so I will really miss him. And I do feel scared of him not coming back. After 5 months of really hard work, I finally am starting to feel like I can trust my attachment to him and our connection, and it just feels bad that right when I started to have those good feelings, he's disappearing.

I told him today that it makes me feel sad that he is SO HUGE in my life and I'm just barely a speck in his life. He told me "you are MORE than a speck". He said he would hold our experience together "here" (patting his heart) while he is gone.

At the end of the appointment, he sat by me on the couch and took both of my hands in his for a minute. And he's going to call and leave me a voice mail to listen to when he's gone. I him.

So, I'll miss him a lot, but I really do hope he has a really fun vacation - he deserves it. And I'll be REALLY happy when he comes back. But I'm not mad.