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This all started last week because he brought up our Sunday phone check-ins that we've been doing for a long while now. He wants to stop doing them and I'm okay with that. Some weeks I feel I need the call; other weeks it's okay without it. Even the weeks I feel I need it, I'll live without it. He just happened to bring it up after I made a comment indicating that I had a hard time two weekends ago when he couldn't do it. He keeps explaining over and over why he's doing this and he won't listen to me that it's okay to stop doing them. Yes, I have mixed feelings about it because they help with the loneliness, but I'm okay with stopping them. I wish he had picked another time to bring it up though, not right after I'd said something about it.
Unfortunately, it hasn't stopped with this topic but only expanded. He's brought up reducing our sessions at some point and he really triggered some abandonment stuff with all this. It just feels like the whole sweater is unraveling at this point. I'm attached to him, but it's not secure yet. He assumes that some things I say mean I think he doesn't care about me, which is not true at all. It took some time getting there, but I do believe he cares about me. I keep telling him that, but he's got some notion in his head and won't listen to what I'm saying. This is a mess and I don't know how to work with someone who won't believe me when I tell them something. I don't know what to do.
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I hope you make the right choice for yourself.
I do think it's bad timing- cutting back on the calls and sessions? No wonder it would trigger your abandonment feelings. Do you feel like you're ready to cut down on sessions?