Too needy is the expectation that someone else can and will fill up your hole of need for you.

Having been on the receiving end of this with my husband, I completely understand the difference between having needs and asking for support while you work through whatever the issue is at the moment, as opposed to being needy and expecting someone else to make you feel better.

My husband used to sort of expect and demand I "do" something to make him feel better, and if I didn't do that something (which I often had to figure out because he wouldn't communicate it to me), he would get angry or give me the silent treatment or some other out-of-proportion reaction. That was "too needy".

My husband eventually learned to recognize what he needed and communicate that directly, understanding that all I might be able to do is listen and empathize. And he found that by being direct and realizing that only he could really work through his own issues -- that I couldn't do it for him, although I am completely fine with listening and discussing while he gets his mind wrapped around things, etc. -- actually helped him stay calmer and more rational about things. He realized his could express his needs and work toward taking care of those needs or asking for specific help, and that doesn't come off as "needy" in the least.