You are doing a great job. Sounds like you are very aware of your feelings and your interpretation of the situations you are in. It also sounds like you have multiple issues swirling around. You have childhood issues, addictive personality issues, and they culminate in your marital issues. Good for you raising red flags about the whole girlfriend thing. Very strange to me. It does sound like your wife may be struggling with unmet unrealistic expectations of you. I feel for you. It also sounds like you guys are provoking eachothers' insecurities when you try to communicate. She does something you don't like, you retreat into unhealthy "hinting" or soft boundary setting, which may provoke her into her feelings of frustration over her expectations of you. Then the cycle continues. Try looking up "Karpman Drama Triangle" and see if you can't check your role in each moment, then adjust your role to the more positive version. Hope for the best, never give up! You are a great man!