Thank you for the prompt to look back at the title. I am so relieved that the things I worried about were not distorted thinking by me or a grievous lack of trust stemming from childhood damage that cannot be cured the way I had feared.

My T did lie to me , he did overcharge by several thousand dollars, and he did make a really big mistake framing the sharing of charged and visceral details from my memory as a way of saving us both from "failing" one another and ending in an impasse.

I'm grateful to my T for stepping up in a way new to him and his modality/ training, to admit I had things about which to be angry in the here and now that were legitimate. He has really tried to repair things, and made palpable changes. Mostly, I learned that he has a real horror of hurting someone or doing harm, and he never wanted to force me the way I felt forced. He was stricken by the aftermath, and the sudden idea he had been negligent. That I believe.

This is a tough relationship, bc this T is very charismatic and bright in a way that answers something in me. I do believe in him, that he has and can help me. However, I also have a gathering awareness I can trust myself rather than take his word above my own the way I used to. He will try to spin doctor reality or privilege his own reality over mine at times- he just is that bright, competitive, know-it-all, Ivy league white male you read about. He is clever, and can debate for the sake of debating or the sake of winning, slipping out of therapist role. However, he has a crackhead capacity for empathy that is redeeming and unexpected, and he has a world-weary wear and tear sorrow in him that does bely some of the nonsense. Complicated human . I guess we will see what happens.