Quote:
Originally Posted by ElectricManatee
Amy (EMDR/DBT therapist) and I were literally just talking about needs yesterday, specifically in terms of outside contact, and I even used the word "monster" to describe myself (half-jokingly.) She said that DBT has different treatment targets, and life-threatening behaviors are the first level, followed by therapy-interfering behaviors. She said that in DBT, the client and the therapist both have the ability to bring up treatment-interfering behaviors, and she gave the example of a client who she felt wanted more from her outside session than she could reasonably provide. But she very much took a "Hey, this isn't going to be sustainable for our relationship in the long term, what can we do to work together to change this?" approach. It's the same basic idea -- how can you [the client] get your needs met when people [like the therapist] have limits -- but the power dynamic and level of judgment the client likely felt are totally different.
I feel compassion for Dr. T because I think you are bumping up against his own limits/issues as a human, not even necessarily his training as a therapist. What, exactly, does one DO with emotions that are bigger than they know what to do with? I know the usual list of healthy coping strategies, but it seems like his implicit message is that you should somehow be able to make the feelings go away so they don't bother other people. That is likely how he treats himself and other people in his life too.
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Thanks, EM. I do get the sense that this is a limitation in his non-therapist life as well, from some things he's said. Like, when the whole conflict happened with my wanting him to stand when I leave (which he always does now...despite it being a huge NOPE before), he said how he doesn't like to be controlled or have people tell him what to do, and that applies to other people in his outside life as well.
The thing is, I often try various coping strategies (OK, I've been bad with the exercise component lately!), and he knows that. I never go right to contacting him. I recall once saying that if I'm sitting on the couch sobbing, doing a downward dog (yoga pose) isn't going to help me. He agreed, saying then the tears would just fall on the floor instead of my lap. And I reach out to friends, but I also worry about burning them out. Or I post on here. Sometimes talking to H helps. Or distraction techniques, like TV, listening to music, maybe one of those painting classes. But the problem with distraction is, it just pushes things away temporarily. Sometimes it's enough and the bad feelings go away. But other times, all I'm doing is pushing them from, say, 2 p.m. to 11 p.m., when my options in coping strategies are much more limited.
The thing is...what you say about his saying that I should just make the feelings go away or keep them inside--that seems quite a bit like the message I got as a child. So I'm not sure how that's helping me now...I want therapy to be a safe place where I can share pretty much anything (obviously not, like physically threaten him or something), where all feelings and emotions are safe. But I'm not so sure about that...I mean, even with ex-MC, it was all safe for a long time, until suddenly, it wasn't...