I don't have any advice about most of this, but most of all, I wanted to tell you that I read and I care, and I'm sorry about your loss.

Concerning pap smear tests I guess I'm a bit opposite. I don't do them even though it's recommended and I get a reminder every 2nd year, cause I just _can't_ do gyn check-ups. But with the meds and therapy - I don't know if you've tried many different meds and different therapists, but in my experience it can take quite a lot of trying and failing to find meds and a therapist that works for you. It's exhausting to try over and over and over, but it really may be worth it.