Why would your mother be upset because you and your husband are invited to a wedding? To me, that is no concern of hers.

It sounds like your mother demands far more control than is necessary or appropriate.

I think you should go to the rehearsal and the wedding without her and have a good time.

Can you get a babysitter so your husband can come too? Or else have him and your kids come and stay in the hotel as you mentioned.

It is not your mother's concern whether you and your family stay in a hotel.

You might want to look into "emotional blackmail", which is what your mother seems to be doing to you.

You are an adult and married. You don't have to meet her expectations.