I feel like there's something wrong with me. I know logically and rationally that I have many good qualities and my loved ones enjoy being around me and strangers notice me and are friendly. but inside all I can feel is insecurity. I hate it when anybody is looking at me/watching me/checking me out...I hate the feeling of being evaluated or judged...I hate looking people in the eye. I hate using my voice and saying my opinion. I love writing but I won't even write my thoughts or poetry out on actual paper for fear of people finding it. I secretly want to just hide away and be a hermit and not talk to anyone...I have so much inside of me and Im just afraid to share any of it...because of how much I've been hurt, because of how our society views women and people who "feel too much"....I can't stand it anymore. part of me really wants to throw my whole life away and isolate myself wherever I can survive just so I don't have to deal with worrying about what other people think of me, especially the people who love me. they adore me and I just want to get away from them so I can be alone and drink and smoke and live inside my own head. and none of it works...I'm so miserable. I don't understand why I can't go into the grocery store and check people out, like everyone else apparently does...instead I walk like I have blinders on, don't look at anybody, pretend other people don't exist and get out of there as quickly as possible. I'm not comfortable anywhere, at any time, under any circumstances. even my own home. it's awful.