
Nov 16, 2019, 11:02 AM
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Member Since: Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FluffyDinosaur
I can definitely relate to this as well. I can easily get irrationally angry over minor things, like the neighbors talking in their yard (I guess noise sensitivity is another common bipolar thing?). If I don't watch it it spirals out of control, sometimes even into very violent thoughts and hatred. I'll be seething all day and can't sleep at night because I'm so angry. It was even worse before I knew I was bipolar, because I wasn't aware that it wasn't normal. Same thing if something upsetting happens, like I make a stupid mistake in traffic, I'll keep having these "flashbacks" and panic attacks about it for days or even weeks.
At a rational level I do realize that it's pointless because it ends up hurting me a lot more than whoever/whatever I'm angry at (especially since I tend to keep it inside), but it's really hard to control. When I'm depressed or dysphoric, I'd say it's even next to impossible to control it. Sometimes I get a little better at keeping it in check for a while, but I'll often relapse when I'm tired, depressed, or hypomanic.
Sometimes I also have these stretches of a few days where I'm just angry and really irritable all the time but I have no clue why, it seems to come out of nowhere. I just walk around all day feeling like I want to look for a fight or punch something, and just feeling generally fed up with the world. Do other people experience that as well?
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I have no better word than YES.
I call it "rumination" when the same scene/emotion (almost always anger) plays on loop in my mind day after day.
Like right now...I had lunch yesterday with a woman I used to work as a volunteer with. She said something that I felt shamed me. I wish I had followed my gut instinct and never gone to lunch with her because now the whole situation is looping inside my mind until I feel like I'm going crazy.
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