Dated my ex about 5 years ago. We had a very loving, passionate relationship (seemingly soulmates). About a year in, while on his fb page, I noticed he had sent a girl a friend request. I asked him who she was, he told me it was a girl one of his male friends was pursuing and he wanted to snoop on his behalf. Weeks later he told me he lied. He met the girl while out and long story short, had briefly ended up in a sexting situation with her that lasted about 3 days. In the end, he told her he had a gf and never to contact him again. Months after that we broke up.

I recently reconnected with this ex. It's been 4 months. (I made a previous post on this forum saying I would not start a relationship with him.. but here I am.) We are not officially in a relationship, but we ultimately decided we could date and see if getting back together would work.

This week however, I discovered that he lied to me. This ex of mine is particularly friendly, with both other guys and women. He met a girl on a freelance job about 3 weeks ago. The girl has been in contact with him, venting about her current abusive relationship with her partner. My ex says he was just being a listening ear for her. A couple days ago though, I discovered that they had been speaking quite a lot without him telling me, even going out together with his group of friends.

The lie:
In his conversation with her (yes, I read them on his phone.. in his presence though), I noticed they were discussing an event that happened near where we live (my ex and I live close to one another). The thing is, about 3 weeks ago, I was discussing this event with my ex right after it happened and he shared some information about it with me. He told me that the guy who lived next door to him was the one who gave him this information. Earlier this week, I asked my ex whether what he said 3 weeks ago was true, he told me no, it was the girl who told him about the event. He says, he did not want to bring the girl and their frequent interactions up too much as well as told a 'white lie' because he thought it could unnecessarily worry me. He said he wanted me to get back to a place of peace knowing our past.

I found this to be a bit ridiculous as my thought was if that's what he wanted, then his approach was so wrong. Either don't talk to various women or be transparent with me about it. He seems to want to continue trying and put effort into changing his behaviour, however, I am baffled by the deceit.

Someone who knows us both is advising me to tell him exactly what I want him to do regarding his interactions with other women and not give up on him. Whereas for me, I feel what seems like small grievances and little white lies is enough reason for me to not move forward with a relationship. I actually want to be done with him all together, and let this go for good. Am I wrong for feeling like this? How normal/acceptable are white lies to save people's feelings? Do you tell white lies?