NP, I'm sorry things feel so difficult today. Many of us here understand how awful it can be to be in a rupturey space with your T. It especially stings when you have a solid T who can usually be counted on. Maybe you can do what you can to help yourself feel better, even if it's lying on your couch and watching obscure Netflix documentaries until the feelings are a little less overwhelming. It's okay to hurt and to be upset. You've been through a lot and it's hard when somebody who is usually reliable isn't there in the same way at the moment.