It's always seemed weird to me that anxiety and depression are separated on this forum.
today I am in the middle. I just got back from vacation today. I took my laptop with me and worked on vacation but my boss tried to help by cutting me out of meetings and discussions. Now I am worse off than ever. I now have 3 spreadsheets that all say something different and I don't know where to start to get them to match. So I am sitting at my desk sobbing. I will be working all night (literally trying to decide if I try to sleep at the office for a few hours tonight). Like a lot of places we have slowly been whittling away at our time. 1st breaks disappeared, then lunch, then work hours increased with no more pay to the point I do at least 1 full day of work every week for free. I wondered what could be next and now I know. I should never have gone on vacation and I can't see doing it again. This was a nightmare and I wish I had just stayed.
So I am in full anxiety with a tight chest and my stomach turning but at the same time I can feel the feelings of hopelessness sneaking in and I look so forward to that.
Anxiety feels like such a violent emotion. The fear/panic hurts. I can't sleep or even just calm my mind enough to stay inside my skin.
Depression is like a break from all that feeling. When I stop caring about everything, nothing can possibly get worse. Does that make sense to anyone else?
I went into my group calendar and erased any future vacation planning. I just don't want to ever deal with this again. If I am at work, things stay under control. I knew this would be bad so I took my computer hoping I could prevent exactly what happened. Now that I know my boss and my coworkers are going to undermine that I won't let them fool me again. No way will I let this happen again.
I just don't see how I survive this state for 3-5 more years.