Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966
If he was as serious and as much in love as you say and committed about you, he’d not be secretly interacting with women and lie about it (which indicates ulterior motives on his part). He’d not act like a player. He’d act like a man who is seriously into you
When a man is as into a woman and is as serious like wanting to marry no way no how he’d do things this guy does.
He said things he thought you wanted to hear. That’s what guys like him do. They think if they tell you all this lovey stuff, you’ll fall for it. It doesn’t work this way. When you meet a man who really is serious about you, none of this stuff you described would be happening. He isn’t interested in exclusivity or commitment. Or things would be entirely different.
Yes there could be white lies in a relationship, like when I sometimes complain that I gained weight my husband telling me I look just as gorgeous as the day we’ve met. Well he might think so but logically speaking I can’t be possibly looking exactly like I was as I am aging. But if he secretly talked to women and lied to me, it wouldn’t be while lie. It’s just a lie.
I honestly recommend therapy to get to the bottom of your attraction to players and even wanting to go back to a player who is already known to be dishonest. Good therapy could help to sort sources of that attraction. So you don’t fall for it again. Good luck
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This hit me hard. Hahaha. OMG. But I guess this is what I need to hear
. I went to therapy for the first time last month and will bring this up in my next session. Thank you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966
Oh I missed where he actually is going out with this new girl, not just talking to her. So he is not exclusive, he is pretty much dating her and lying to you about it.
It’s concerning that you actually see it as signs of him wanting to marry you and being madly in love with you. I see signs of him playing the field, keep meeting different women and not being serious.
I am concerned that you perceive it completely differently than pretty much anyone would. Hence I believe in therapy being helpful here
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It comes down to things that he has said, not things I perceived as signs. He says he loves me, he brings up marriage on his own. But I have not taken it seriously because I knew I had to assess things before even getting into a relationship with him. When it comes to him and his friends going places with the girl, I did not find this out until about 4 days ago. Since then I have decided this won't work for me.
There are other aspects to our relationship, his friends, this girl, and the situation in general that I have not mentioned here because I would then have pages of posts. Things are not always black and white
which is why people tend to stay in things that are not healthy. But I have taken the main, troubling facts out to assess them and get honest feedback. I definitely do not want to be one of those people hanging onto a toxic relationship or consistently getting into them. I agree with bringing it up in therapy
