I'm sorry you feel uncared about. It sounds like this is a really sensitive issue for you but people here just want to help and understand. Seeing your t as a mother figure is not wrong, it's very understandable. And finding her cute or attractive isn't wrong either. I see my t both as a mother figure and also someone I find immensely attractive. The two things are not separate (can't think of the right word) and often get mixed up. I had quite an intense reaction to my T at the first session - something about her just triggered something incredibly strong in me - she is beautiful but also so caring and knows her stuff. Sometimes you meet someone and you just know there's something about them that is right for you, or gives you what you need. It's not unlike falling in love, imo.