May be triggering......







So... here I am... posting once more.... when I joined the board... sugar... controlled.. my life... passing out from sugar binging - the sugar turning into achohal... and purging... every day...

actually better than I was before the board when I was purging several times a day... and not eating anything...

and then... for a period of time... spending all day.. in binge/purge cycle...

how to explain this to anyone.. that does not have an ED - how does one do that??? I just can't... the words will not come out of my mouth... so great... the shame.. the confusion....

now... understanding... the "why" behind... the ED... today.. connecting.. with an alter.. tracing it back to 7th grade - the root... and the life long struggle... with just plain eating... 52 years old...

and the battle.. that started in ernest 7 years ago - the battle for my life.. I call it "the battle"... because... it cost me my job... my self esteem... my self-worth... and my health....my body just started to fail... it had had enough... my body has been screaming.. "stop"... my mind would not allow this...

Yes.. this is a very outspoken PM... but if I can't talk about my ED here.. in this forum... where can I????? I mean... it is a battle...

Where I am now.... I can't use sugar... binging... purging to relieve my stress... it simply.. does not work any more... it is done... no more...

and.. I find myself stressed a great deal more.... trying to find ways of comforting myself... my alters... to calm... them all down...

and... I am working on eating.... I have a plan... to put together meals... that are frozen.. that I do not have to "think" about...that I do not need to "analyze"... that are already "approved" for eating...

this is the only way that I can think of.. to continue the process of eating...

And.. I pray it works... because... my body needs to have food... can't go back.. to the binge/purge cycle.....

no more...am done...