Quote:
Originally Posted by Mendingmysoul
MrsA,I am an introvert,but I want to be an extrovert.I was forced to believe that silence is golden and that my opinions do not matter.I never got validated .I am a silent observer.In general my acquaintances have a very bad opinion of me and my capabilities.They have an expectation that I am a failure.When after some time I get something done,which is quite challenging. They get a surprise. I am supposed to be a failure and dumb idiot.Their surprise turns into rage and hate.They couldn't keep me under their thumb.Sometimes silence is really golden,specially with toxic people.But people who really know me,they adore me,they help me when in crisis and ask for help.They know they can depend on me.I suffer intensely,but do not look like I am suffering.I think you got the picture.
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Do you really want to be an extrovert? I like being introverted so much that a lot of grownups thought I was mental. Some teachers praised me for being independent while others complained to my parents and tried to stop me reading during recess. I get what you mean about people being enraged whenever you prove that you are a loser though. I spent years doing things to convince my mom's family that I wasn't stupid and they got angry whenever I achieved anything and even called me a freak. I eventually figured out that my relatives could only be happy if they thought I was starving and incompetent and they would spread such rumors to make themselves feel better.
So do you mean that you can act normal around most people? That is what I am trying to achieve. Once I stop pretending to be happy, I go around crying all the time so it's hard to get things done. Lately, I decided to try to stuff the cat back in the bag and get back to appearing normal so I can achieve something positive and move on.