Quote:
Originally Posted by frustlandlady
Hallo to everyone. So here I am with a new date and many concerns about him...
After one and a half month of meeting at work he invited me out, he did everything to make it easy for me, as I have no car and it was not easy for me to go on that specific day.
With few words, 95% of the time he was talking about himself, expressing how important it is for him to feel great with a woman, to make him feel that special person he has never felt before. He said that I am a very sweet and caring person and he was expecting me to be that woman. He asked me a few typical things to get to know me better, like my interests and what I am doing in general without trying to know my opinion on different subjects.
Meanwhile, I could not express any opinion on his life matters that he was talking about without being judged in an impolite way like "Is this all you have to say? I am telling you this and this and this and all you have to say is this?".
Meanwhile, I was very cautious with this situation and he kept saying "I was expecting you to react in the X way, I was expecting you to tell me the X thing to show that you were thinking of me" etc etc pointing out a dozen of things that he wanted to here and I did not say.
4 days later he called me complaining that I didn't even text him to ask how he is doing (Would you have called him after that date?), mentioning again all the things that I should have done and I didn't do to show him how much I care etc etc. He even compared me with a supposed lady that made him feel super special when he was young. I told him "I am not this special person you are looking for and I wish you to find that person" and never had contact with him again apart from a typical "hallo" at work.
Some last details, both times he kept saying that he feels veeeeery sure about his opoinions, he kept saying that most of the things people do are of no importance and that he is sick of people's behaviors, that he has thought much of every detail of every life aspect and that what opinion he expresses is very serious and well thought. He also has no friends (as far as I know).
But the thing that feared me the most was when he was talking about how he sees life and and how much he needs to feel strong emotions, he was getting waay too passionate, he was raising his voice level, like something was torturing his soul and wanted to scream it out...
What on earth is going on with this guy...
At work he is very king, never offends anyone, he is very responsible and always willing to help everyone. But on the other hand he is constantly asking people to tell him what features he has that make him more special than other people...
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to be honest, narcissism is not at all what you describe. this is a person that lacks the self confidence and has issues with his own self image. He looks to others to tell him he's special not because he thinks he is, but the opposite is true, he lacks the ability to see his own positive traits in himself and his own uniqueness and bases all of his own self image on what others say. this is not what my understanding of a narcissist at all. Yes it is still behavior that is self directed and comes off as self absorbed but I believe a narc would believe themselves to be more important and superior in some if not many ways than other people and they have no doubts about it. I'm not stating this from clinical description but just based on what I understand myself, of what people consider narcissistic traits.
Now on another note I did just look up info on narcissism and from that article, true narcissism is rare. I had the feeling it was but this confirms that. someone that is conceited, self absorbed and has a superiority complex is not necessarily a narcissist though it does seem appropriate to say people like that are showing narcissistic traits.
But I would say in summary that you probably made a wise choice. whether a narc or someone as I described, lacking in a strong self image, both would be a bad idea to be involved with. He seems dependent on other people to make him feel good about himself and that's the last thing you need if you're looking for a mate on the same level as you.