Quote:
Originally Posted by Angelique67
Yes, lack of insight sucks. So do the negative symptoms or MDD which I also was diagnosed with. I hate being lost inside myself. A relative was very po'ed at me because I hadn't called my mom in weeks. I don't even understand why. I just know I didn't want to and I don't know why. Maybe trying to withdraw from reality. Sorry to hear you haven't been going out except to see the pdoc. I get that way too, but now I'm in a nursing home and can't really get much time alone. I mean I do, but there are always people around. I wish I could go home. I hope your symptoms will ease up and give you a break.  [emoji813] |
Ugh, I loathe the negative symptoms myself.
Being lost inside yourself sums it up extremely well; as the reason I have become less and less "crisis prone" in the traditional sense is not because I am somehow more stable. No. I am more unstable than I have ever been. The difference is that I am less and less able to "act out", because I am more withdrawn by the day. I am very far removed from my external environment; I am only tenuously aware of matters as simple as the passage of time and my physical experiences at best and more often than not I lose awareness very quickly. My detachment and withdrawal from "consensus reality" is not a sign of stability, but just the opposite. I am spending more and more time detached from all of it ... and the inevitable result is deepening psychosis because said psychoses are more and more detached from "consensus reality" and thus it is far more difficult for me to have any insight about any of it. The few people left in my life worry about me, and know very well as they have known for years that if I am left alone for too long I will become completely unreachable ... and I will not notice that I have not moved in days or be able to do anything about it. I am only avoiding a long term care facility because I have enough outside support left. When all of that is gone, I am going to end up in a situation much like yours.
I do not ever call anyone anymore. If they do not reach out to me then that is that. I do not know why I am like this, either. It is not out of a lack of love ... I just cannot anymore. It is as if something, a sort of invisible wall, is preventing such things ...