</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Riptide said:
Just a question.....

...... Are you experiencing feeling while you are "knocking things off , bam, bam, bam."

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Yes, it was amazing how efficient we were, but yet the feeling was all there. By "knocking things off", I meant dealing with them, and for me that is a feeling process not an intellectual one. It was like somehow time was passing differently than usual. I am used to a slower pace. We were able to do so much but still have all the feeling. I think part of it is I was just able to be so direct and let myself feel, without trying to contain and hold back from T and circle the issues. All those defenses eat up time. But I don't know if I can do this all the time.

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Riptide said:
Therapy is about feelings and dealing with feelings. Coaching is about how to move forward to make your life easier, sometimes at the expense of the feelings.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">That's not really how our coaching is--at least the "make life easier part", lol--it may be different than what you are familiar with. He's not a life coach or anything. But the process is more goal-directed than his therapeutic approach. What helps me a lot to keep things straight, is that the coaching generally goes on outside of T's office, and there are other people there, whereas when I am at his office and alone with him, we do therapy. But at our recent out-of-the-office meeting with my H and the other specialist, it was getting downright therapy-like at times, although T was supposed to be in his coach role. He says he has a hard time not being a therapist all the time, especially when the need is there. Last session I said to him, "when I look at you, I see my therapist, not a coach." He answered, "I am your therapist."

I think the difference between his therapist and coach roles has more to do with "the couple" rather than with me, the individual. When H and I originally went for couples therapy with him, we did deeper work and some healing. Then we segued into the divorce and T moved into his coach role, which is primarily with us as a couple (not with me as an individual--when we do individual work, he is my therapist). Because healing is not really part of the coach role, he is now somewhat constrained on the depth of healing he can offer us as a couple. He has told me, though, that once the divorce is final and he is done with the coach role, if I and my H (ex-H!) want to come see him again as a couple, he will do deep healing with us. Well, that's kind of bewildering to me. Do deep healing with someone you have just legally removed from your life? I told him the divorce cracks a lot wide open, and there is a window of opportunity to heal now, and if we don't take that window it will pass. The time for healing and resolution is limited. "I know, I know," he said and I could see his remorse that he cannot help us with healing now. He is conflicted. But that is how it is. Even more than being a therapist, he likens himself to a healer, so it is hard for him to let this slip by. ((((T))))