Thank you for your reply. Sorry it took so long get on here and there thought it would email of posts? I currently see psychiatric nurse if I remember right I am on desvanlaxfine 150 mg lamotrigine 200 mg 2 times daily buspar 30 2 times a day. I was getting counseling for most the last year then medical quit paying. I just feel a lot of guilt of what has become of all the actions I did. I had never done anything this bad, and a hard time moving on. I have a good ear my brother to get it out with. I have a dog and you would think I would need to get my act together to be able have a home and can be taken care of by me to provide all his needs. So we both have our own space like we used to. I was embarrassed by my brother telling every one about my attempt which I am so self conscious that I find it hard to face them or hang like i used to. I currently don't like the job i got myself into with all the feelings I have to deal with. It takes every ounce of will for me to go. But if I don't I am afraid to get kicked out. The weird thing is I have been paying for an apartment while living at my parents for almost a year now. I hate feeling and thinking this way. I want things to be normal like it used to be. Which is a big cause for regret guilt and ruminations of what I did to get myself where I am. Thanks again for your reply!