Quote:
Originally Posted by SummerTime12
I saw my t yesterday. I wasn’t planning to talk about it, but we ended up spending the majority of the time talking about how my husband responded to me being suicidal on Friday by yelling and saying some really hurtful things.
Then, I managed to bring up feeling hurt by my t letting me leave after I expressed how suicidal I was at our last session. I told him that him letting me walk out like that made me feel like he didn’t care and didn’t take me seriously. I explained too that it takes away that safety net of knowing that even if I don’t directly tell him “I think I need to go to the hospital,” (because I likely won’t come out and say that when I need it) he will push for it if I really can’t agree to staying safe. He said that he had made a judgment call and it was the wrong judgment call. He also said something along the lines of the human being in him wants to explain all the reasons why he does of course care, etc., but what he hopes is that the way that he’s been with me in the past and will continue to be in the future will instead show his care (except he didn’t use the word care; I can’t remember the exact wording he used).
I’m not sure what to do because in the 3 years I’ve been seeing my t, I’ve brought up feeling hurt by something he said/did maybe like 5 times, and each time I’ve felt better after we talked about it. This is the first time I don’t feel better after bringing it up to him, and I’m not sure why or how to proceed now. I don’t know if it’s just my issue and something I need to get over, or if I need to talk it out more with him.
Thoughts and comments are appreciated!!
|
I'm sorry that talking to him about it didn't help. I've found that sometimes I need to have multiple conversations with my T (or in the past, ex-MC) about things he's said or done that have hurt or bothered me. It sometimes needs to be a longer conversation. So I suggest talking it out more.
Also, regarding his saying he wants to show vs. tell you about caring, I'm someone who wants to hear the words as well (not just from my T, from anyone). I was just talking a couple sessions ago about how now I'm finally coming to realize how some people, including him and H, show their care (or love in H's case). He said it seemed like a lot of progress.
I think it can be difficult to trust our own impressions of people and accept that they care. So words are easier. It also might help to tell him that you need the words sometimes. When do you see him next? If you think you'd have trouble saying how you're feeling, you could write/type it, then hand it to him at the start of session (or possibly email, if he allows it, but he might reply to the email saying you should discuss it next session).