Probably a trigger-ish thingy. o_o;;; But I keep a journal with pictures to keep me motivated to not eat, to exersize a lot, calorie facts and that kind of crap. It has a lot of poetry and collages in it too. What I keep is called a thinspiration journal, but I think that sounds tacky so it's just my private notebook.

I'm not sure I'm better off acknowledging that the thoughts are self destructive though. I hate myself enough to keep doing it, and it hasn't changed the intensity of my restrictions and fasts and I still am uneasy at the idea of therapy. Alone knowing that "omg I'm a friggin' wackjob" hasn't helped me, I think more along the lines of being in therapy first would be more helpful, and exploring the feelings with a T.

But me keeping a journal like that isn't helping either, so I guess I don't know where I stand on the issue, or whether I even make sense. :P