Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Christina
Well. I have come to realize I just honestly don’t care about my life in general at this point.
I’m sick of one health problem after another then another. My physical pain problems just gets worse and worse.
Due to health problem, something that was supposed to “help my pain” caused big breathing problems almost 12 weeks so far and no one has any idea when things will improve.
So I saw my T today... we talked about all this shyt and he can fully understands why I feel like I do.
Basically everything Im dealing with I have ZERO control over. My brain absolutely will not function with a “ it will eventually get better” my floating” coping skill isn’t helping at all. Been trying those for weeks
I have a constant high anxiety, if your struggling to breathe it’s gonna happen.
We went over my safety plan. I have numerous ways to take an exit but I have no intent right now. My T and I are not the hugging type , probably 10 times over the past 8 years... but he gave me a huge hug and reminded me that I have promised to call him before I do anything drastic.
I’m just sick to death of physical pain and insomnia. I can’t find a break anywhere in this mess.
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You've been very courageous and determined for a very long time now. It's a very tough, challenging life you are living. Some of us meet the challenge very well, until we've been worn down, which may take a lot, yet can happen.
It's incredibly disheartening, I know.
When I am tired, disheartened, feeling like it's all pain, I try to live just hour by hour or day to day. Sometimes this gives me time to feel better, time to recharge.
You have every reason to feel defeated.. You are in so much pain, on all levels, that I do worry about you.
It can help just to be able to say how disheartening life has become.
I am someone who truly knows what you are experiencing/talking about. I have no words , in all honesty. You have to decide what you can take. Maybe just try to decide hourly, allowing yourself some time to regroup and /or to make very sound decisions.
I know much of your stress is situational. Situational stressors can lead us into depression. if you are experiencing depression, too, is there something helpful for this?
We can always quit. Therefore, there is no reason to rush into doing so. It can be helpful to write down the reasons for living.
Let's have a chat?
I know R is there for you. Me, too.
With Lots of Love and Admiration
