Is there is more to wanting girls than decor, themes, colors?
Do you you feel like moms/daughters have the best relationships? Or girls are easier?
Are you wanting to redo/relive your “girl” childhood in some way?

You might feel like your son ruined your family, but that family was not “real.”
Our children will be like us, but have a mind of their own, too. Even with two girls, what all you'd imagined may not have been realized for one reason or another.
you can love and enjoy and be proud of your real family, flesh and blood, as they are. Children are beautiful and loving whether they are boys or girls. Sons can be wonderful! Mine is! And your beautiful boy has every reason to be as well.

I agree that boy stuff isn’t as cute as girl stuff but that’s all stereotypes anyhow.

I have never been one to envision the future, or get my heart set on anything, that way I avoid the feeling of disappointment. I avoid disappointment as much as possible because it is a tough feeling that is hard to move past! You did reaaaaallly have your heart set on something, and believed in an ideal. It makes sense that you need some time to adjust your vision and ideals. You want to make sure that you do not view your son as a disappointment. You deserve to have a loving bond with your first born child. Your son is important and special, and you will be a beautiful family.

parents must sometimes give ve up certain expectations about our children and who they are and should be. This is the start of that perhaps.