Hey Guy111,

I can relate to what you're posting as I find I deal with this with my wife too. She says I can be too sensitive at times. Now it's gotten to the point where she seems to think she can tell when I'm being sensitive just by my facial expressions, and reactions to stuff she's saying. May be partially true, as I can be senstive at times. But it is frustrating to me when I'm already aware of it and sensitive to it. ugh lol.

I feel sometimes, like she's too critical of me while I am not of her. But then, think, she wants me to be perhaps? I was starting to feel it strongly this morning and avoided stewing in it on the way to work. Anyway, this is what has helped me after doing some self work over the past 3 months.

When I start looking at my part of it, and I find usually it's my interpretation of what she's saying as being critical (usually by her tone). Then I start overthinking whatever she's said, and it can snowball. Also like you, over time, I'd sort of given up on speaking up until the last few months when I realized I needed to do something different. I believe this is a mistake for us (figuring we'll wait until they ask about X, not speaking up). It only builds resentment within us, and makes it harder to speak up in the future. Also we are more sensitive to future, perceived transgressions. Something that may be very very minor will set us off, adding guilt as well.

We stop speaking up because we're worried about their reaction and how they come back at us. We place false guilt on ourselves from how we're interpeting their words or tone or body language. If we do it enough, we tell ourselves we know how they'll react so feel guilty for even thinking of speaking what we want to say. It can become like an internal loop that is just not helpful and strains the relationship.

But I believe the key is practicing assertiveness. I have found when practicing assertiveness that I worry less about what my partner is "critical of" toward me and how she views me. This can lead to looking at where our self worth and esteem is coming from. Should be internal. Once it's internal and not from external sources, it's easier to say what you want to say without fear. Saying it is for you and your mental health.

Here is a link with a nice concise list on being assertive. Check out, 5, 6, 9. Remember too that as you practice assertiveness, people will react differently to you at first because they're not used to it. Wish you luck man I'm in the same boat

10 tips for being assertive - Better Health Channel