I think we used all iterations of person-with-autism labels to avoid calling my d "autistic" because we wanted to make sure to use respectful person-first non-labeling language.

Guess how she identifies herself? No biggie. I am just glad she landed on a way to refer to her way of being that she is comfortable with.

Hugs, LT. I think there's just no one right answer when it comes to disability labels, and what's most important is whether the t can be helpful to your d. If you have a preferred way you'd like her to refer to your d's autism, you could probably ask her...or approach it sideways by starting a discussion about the different ways to refer to people who've been diagnosed with autism and see what the t's reasoning and perspective is.