All over the place...started of unable to talk, then a tear rolled down my face...then I said I know your sitting there witnessing my fantasys and knowing thats all they are but I can't seem to get out of them...and then I said I guess I want you to be part of it but your not...T said that wouldnt be helpful for me to be pulled in and yes I sit here knowing these are fantasys but I can still empahis...I said I hate that word...then silence for a while longer....then I said Ok I surrender...T said like in a game?...I said no emotionally you win I surrender...T said like when you were a baby?...I said ohhhhhhhhhh I don't know, I just don't know...then I said I guess I have to have trust that you dont forget me for the next 2 weeks....and then right near the end I asked the question that I soooooooooo wanted to ask and didn't know if I could or would and said....do I pop into your mind when your away from here?...T said, yes....I said I guess I'm gonna have to take your word on that...T said...well you can email me and test it out....I said but your not at home...man what a dumb question...I think said that to try and hide my delight at the email offer....she said well I can pick my emails up from anywhere...duh how silly am I knew that LOL....she said this is the corner stone of our work...I said yeah I know....then slapped myself around the head and she asked why I did that?...and said coz I cant' get my brain to see breaks for what they really are....then I said something else that I keep wanting to aks but dont want to really SO DO NOT answer it but I keep thinking whether your going to be flying or not...I could see biting her bottom lip and sort of smiling holding back from answering it because I'd said DON'T LOL coz I dont want an added worry LOL though she might not be going abroad....I felt better as I left becasue she said I could email...just knowing thats ok eases my fear of aloness...I said To T that I keep asking myself what it is I feel I am missing when not with her?...is that I need to have my life witnesses? Is it the ego that wants to be watched??...what the hell is it....T said perhaps its that you want to be understood and being here you feel understood...yeah thats it....so its 2 weeks until her return...I will find a book I enjoy and generally be good to me!...I said as I left todaty "have a nice time, said thru gritted teeth LOL"...she said "take care"